


The Sound of Our Memory

by JustAnotherNerd1820



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Battle of Hogwarts, First years at Hogwarts, Gen, Guitar, Hogwarts, It might be kind of confusing sorry about that, M/M, Sirius has a guitar, Young James, young remus, young sirius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28682127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherNerd1820/pseuds/JustAnotherNerd1820
Summary: Remus is staring at the bright glow of curses from the Gryffindor Boy’s Dormitory. The room holds so much vanished hope for him, and the memory comes uninhibited.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, wolfstar - Relationship
Kudos: 6





	The Sound of Our Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you’re doing well. I realize that this might have a bit of a confusing layout and I apologize. Basically, Remus in the present (at the Battle of Hogwarts) is in italics, and what’s the memory is not italicized. Thank you loads for reading. I can’t wait to hear what you think!

_The curses dance in the night. Green, red, blue, yellow. The sun was setting outside the window, the room bathed in light. But it was sinister, angry, dangerous. Remus turned to the bed in the corner. It used to be his. The memory washed over him before he could stop it._

He was eleven, lying on his bed, staring at the canopy above him. The sun setting outside his window, gave the room a golden hue. The door banged open, and he shot up, still not entirely used to the noises of other people.

"Moony," whined Sirius, jumping onto the bed with him. "I'm bored."

_They'd given him the nickname because that first night he'd requested the bed farthest away from the window. Sirius had made a joke about being afraid of the moon._

_Remus hadn't contradicted._

"Have you done all your homework?" he asked, rolling onto his stomach so that he and Sirius were nose to nose.

"Yes, I have." Sirius jumped off the bed again, bounding around the room. "You know I wouldn't lie to you."

And funnily enough, Remus believed him. None of them would lie to him. Not Sirius, not James, and not Peter. In the first two months of school they'd become their own little family.

_Their family was broken now. Lies, death, and anger tearing it apart._

"Well then, you could go to the library. I think James is there."

Sirius groaned, flopping onto his own bed. "I went down there already. He's just staring at the Lily girl." He rolled his eyes. "Playboy."

Remus laughed. He'd smiled more since coming to Hogwarts than he had in his entire life. "Fine, come on. Let's go see what we can find to do."

"Yes!" Sirius jumped up again; a never ending ball of energy. "Let's go. Where are we going to go?"

"Well, a lot comes to my mind, but not all of it's legal."

A grin danced across Sirius' face. When the year had started, such glimpses of happiness had been few and far between, but they'd been getting easier and quicker; a testament to the true magic of Hogwarts.

_Remus couldn't remember the last time he'd seen that look on Sirius' face._

"I'd be okay if they're not legal."

"I meant not technically allowed by the school rules," Remus amended hastily. "Nothing that would land us in Azkaban."

"I know." Sirius bounced up and down on the bed. "But I'd be game for either."

_The irony of the statement punches in the chest; careless words spoken with the face of innocence._

“How about we go off down to the lake and see if we can find the giant squid?”

“Boring.” Sirius rolled the r in the word, adopting a fake Spanish accent. “Sir, that squid is normal. We want to do something _not_ normal.”

Remus stuck his tongue out at Sirius. “We should go see if we can find any more Exploding Snap cards. Throw them at McGonagall.”

“We can’t. Peter’s not here to be our fall guy.”

“Where is Peter, anyway?” Remus glanced around, as if Peter would pop up out of the ground. It was entirely possible; he did it quite a lot actually.

They called him Wormtail because he was always worming around everywhere. That and his hair stuck out the back in a severe cowlick that made it look like he had a tail.

The rat.

"Detention. Flitwick caught him trying to hex some kid in the hallway. Trying to impress James."

Remus turned his laugh into a quick cough.

"What?"

"He's not the only one always trying to show off to James. You and your Muggle posters and talk of girls."

"You think-" Sirius cut himself off, cheeks reddening. "Is it that obvious that I'm trying to impress?"

A grin danced lightly on Remus' face. "Little bit, yeah."

_He knew who Sirius had been trying to impress now. He wished he'd known sooner. Maybe that would have changed things._

_The maybes haunt him at night, clicking around his brain, spiders spinning webs of what ifs and had beens._

His honesty was rewarded with a smack in the face with a pillow. "Oh shut up." 

But Sirius was grinning too.

"So, what are we going to do then?"

"Let's braid ribbons in each other's hair and sing lullabies," Sirius said. "I hear that's what all the girls do." An idea sparked his eyes. "Wait! I've got it!" He reached down, searching through the dust bunnies already accumulating under the bed.

"Please, no." Remus was off the bed in a moment. "I do not need to hear any more of the serenades you're writing for James."

Sirius was already pulling out his guitar. "How about I teach you?"

_Remus still had the guitar. It had been a graduation present from Sirius. It had been the best graduation present he got that day. Gifted with a smile, a hug, and a promise to always be there._

"I still don't understand how you got that in your trunk."

"Very carefully. Now, here." His hands were on Remus', positioning them over the strings. "Press down, and strum."

Remus did. A wobbly chord cut through the evening's silence.

"That's the G chord." Sirius wasn't smiling yet. He was waiting for Remus.

_It was one of the two chords Remus could still play. The rest had faded into the deep archives of his memory. But the first ones from the first lesson never disappeared._

"I see." Remus didn't see, but it was nice. The feel of another person. He strummed again, and the chord came easier; stronger. He grinned, and Sirius relaxed.

"Good! Okay now, you put your fingers here." He adjusted Remus' hands. "Strum again."

A different set of notes were released, tentative and hesitant.

"Excellent! Now, play them in succession. One after another," he clarified.

"I know what succession means, Sirius."

"Just making sure."

The strings hummed as Remus touched them carefully, slowly.

And then a mistake.

He flushed, ready to hand the guitar back. Sorry was already on his lips.

"It's okay, Remus. Try again."

Their eyes met. "Are you sure? I messed it up."

"'Course I'm sure, Moony. I trust you. You're not going to try and break my guitar. Besides, I've made all sorts of sounds come out of that thing. You have no idea."

"I'm going to take a break. Go study or something." Remus stood up, leaving the instrument on the bed. "Thanks for letting me play it. I don't know if it's for me though."

_Always running away. Always leaving. Always the coward, afraid to make mistakes._

"I'll play for you."

It's a desperate suggestion; Remus can tell. But his heart leaps. Someone wants him to stay.

_When he lies awake at night, he thinks of Sirius and his guitar. The songs and the notes and the words. They wrap him up, tucking him into sleep in a way that blankets and pillows never would be able to._

"Okay." He settles back down. "What are you going to play?"

"You'll see." Sirius strums a chord, and proceeds to begin a calm, soothing intro to a song Remus knows he should probably recognize, but doesn't.

Then Sirius starts to sing, and Remus loses focus on the song, transfixed by the sounds. How could this brash, loud, I-don't-ever-care-what-people-think Sirius create something so wonderful?

_He can't look away from the memory, even as it threatens to tear him from inside out. Because he can never look away from the memories. They eat away at him, but never quite far enough to show on the surface._

And then James barges in, shouting about how Lily went up into the girl's dormitory because she said he was bothering her.

"I mean, really Moony, how could I ever bother anyone?"

And his face is so sweet, so innocent, that Remus doesn't have the heart to tell him that he's broken the spell the guitar cast on the room.

He'd give anything to have these moments back. To have James and Sirius back and see their smiles.

"I don't know, James, although I'm sure McGonagall would have a few choice answers for that question."

"Good one, Remus." James' back is turned; he's digging through his trunk, looking for something. He pulls out a bag of chocolate, firing one at Sirius, who catches it with little effort.

"Thanks, James."

"No problem." He hops on the bed with them, and Remus is squished between them, a chocolate pressed into his hand.

And for the first time in a long time, he's truly happy.

_Shouts ring below him, shattering the curling edges of an almost real joy. He knows it's an illusion, yet can't help but feel the warmth seeping from his heart._

_He hears Molly yelling on the lawn, even as he's shut himself up in the tower. He needs to go down. To fight._

_And maybe, if he's lucky, he'll see James and Sirius at the end of the night._


End file.
